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Question: How do i tell my mentally abusive boyfriend, that i'm going to florida with my mom for a week?

(Posted by: Candis on 2010-01-24 13:25:30)

We've been together 6 years. He doesn't want me leaving him I know. He's going to be mean to me if I were to tell him I'm going. I'm leaving in 2 months. How do I tell him, I don't want him being upset with me?

Posted by: DeathDeathREVOLUTION! on 2010-01-24, 14:01:21

I am having a difficult time believing this is a legitimate question. People in abusive relationships don't usually accept and admit that they are being abused, and then find ways to work around it and make the abuse minimal. If you're really too naïve to realize that you need to dump this tool, then take my advice and leave him at once.

Posted by: Sara on 2010-01-24, 13:28:51

Dump him, just the fact that you knowww hes mentally abusive and not doing anything is bad.. I know you love him, but its time to let go... If you dump him id either not do it in person, i know that sounds bad, or id bring a friend, sometimes the first act of violence with someone like that is when they get dumped... sorry hun :(

Posted by: Emlee on 2010-01-24, 13:29:04

If he's mentally abusive, you shouldn't be with him in the first place.

Posted by: carlpaul71 on 2010-01-24, 13:29:31

Don't tell him if he's that bad just leave no one deserves that type of treatment. And don't worry about how he feels its pretty obvious that he don't care about how you feel. but if you must tell leave a note.

Posted by: Nick T on 2010-01-24, 13:31:01

The question should be why are you with a mentally abusive boyfriend in the first place?

Posted by: Zoe Dot on 2010-01-24, 13:32:23

Honey, if he is "mentally abusive " I don't think you should worry about him being upset with you. You should just dump him.

Posted by: JM on 2010-01-24, 13:35:39

You should not go to Florida then. He is more important then a useful trip. If you want to go, go with him. Regards!

Posted by: likepepsi on 2010-01-24, 13:35:40

It's hard to see things clearly when you have been in a relationship for a long time. And just reading your question makes it very clear that there is something very, very wrong with yours. 1. You know he's abusive. 2. He will be angry that you are taking a vacation. 3. You don't want him to be upset. How do you possibly think this is going to work out well? 1. Abuse is wrong. People who love each other don't act that way. He doesn't love you. 2. If he will be angry that you are going, he's selfish and a control freak. That's not healthy. 3. The fact you want to know how to tell him something ....a. that should not cause him to be upset in the first place ....b. and you don't want him to be upset even though you're not doing anything wrong ....c. says that you are not in a healthy relationship. Please think hard about this situation. You've been with him for 6 years... so ask yourself if this is the type of relationship you want to have for the rest of your life. I hope you can see that you should get out of this and look for someone who will treat you with respect. I wish you the best.

Posted by: Outrider on 2010-01-24, 13:36:21

What is wrong with what you have written ? May I suggest you pack up for a longer separation and stay gone. Don't fall back into being a controlled victim of any man. You need to consider if this is what you want for the rest of your life. The situation is unnatural and unhealthy. No one who really loves you abuses you. They are just insecure control freaks grasping for power in their smallness. Outrider

Posted by: Chuck on 2010-01-24, 13:39:12

Just tell him "I don't want to see you anymore. " and hang up.

Posted by: miranda b on 2010-01-24, 13:48:13

Are you joking? Read over what you just said. Be strong and realize that no sentence should ever start with "How do I tell my mentally abusive boyfriend... " unless it ends with "I don't want to be with him anymore. " You always feel better once you're out of it. And I know he probably makes you feel special and important and you're afraid of being alone but be strong! It can only do you better to let go. Do you really want to be married or with someone who makes you feel bad for the rest of your life? Right now is just a good a time as any to break it off.

Posted by: nyaquil123 on 2010-01-24, 13:53:02

Honey you should not care if he gets mad. that man is selfish and controlling he need a butting kicking by a man.i had a man like that and it was hard but i did it and so can you get your life back and have some fun with your mom it will be good for you. love your safe it is so much better for you and your health.

Posted by: WWDJND? on 2010-01-24, 21:50:17

If you know that he's abusive, why do you care if he's upset with you. Of course he's upset, he is an abuser and you are doing something out of his control. The question is, why aren't you getting out of a relationship you know to be abusive? If you really want to know how to approach this, try the following: Tell him you are going on a trip with your mother. When he starts his abuse, hold your hand up to his face and loudly say, "Shut up! " Then repeat that you are going on the trip, you don't want to hear his mouth running about it, and if he doesn't like it he is free to leave you. Abusers are bullies, and bullies cannot handle anyone standing up to them. In the meantime, get some counseling. Whenever he starts in on you, go back to the hand up and "Shut up! " Then when you have your self-esteem back, leave him and never talk to him again.